As I Wander with Lauren Lanoue

Episode 6: Ambition, Evolution, and the Word of the Year...Oh! And Why I Flinch When My Toddler is Holding a Doll

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In today's episode, we're talking about Ambition, Evolution, and the Word of the Year…Oh! And Why I Flinch When My Toddler is Holding a Toy. You will also learn why I prefer to have a word of the moment instead of a word of the year.

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Thanks again for listening! Until next time, rest easy and travel well. Here’s to finding home wherever we make it!

You're listening to As I Wander with Lauren Lanoue. I am Lauren Lanoue, and this is episode 6.

 

This is a podcast about finding home or making it right where we are on our own unique journeys. It's for the one who isn't quite sure where they belong at the moment. Whether you're a nomad, a misfit, or an outcast. This podcast is for you.

 

Whatever brings you here, and whatever you've brought with you. Welcome. Every piece of you. 

 

In today's episode, we're talking about Ambition, Evolution, and the Word of the Year…Oh! And Why I Flinch When My Toddler is Holding a Toy. You will also learn why I prefer to have a word of the moment instead of a word of the year.

 

For these next few minutes, kick back, relax, and enjoy because you're home. 

 

And I’m so happy you’re here. 

 

Ambitious is not a word that I would use to describe myself. It isn't in my nature. I used to go so far as to avoid doing anything that looked like ambition because I didn't want someone to think that I was being self-promoting in any way, nor anything that could be confused with selfishness or arrogance, words I had always associated with ambition. 

 

And yet, last year, for the first time in my life, I decided to try something new, something a lot of ambitious and successful people do; I chose a word of the year for myself. And guess what first popped into my brain. That's right, ambition. 

 

In case you have never heard of having a word of the year, it is when you choose a word at the beginning of a new year. It's different from a New Year's Resolution in that it's more general, and it is meant to be a guiding force, one word to help you stay focused as you work towards your goals or make decisions for that year.

 

So why would I choose a word that I had previously detested as my word of the year? 

 

At some point, the way I perceived ambition had started to shift. Perhaps it wasn't an evil word or attribute after all, and I realized that if I wanted something, it wasn't going to simply fall in my lap. I was going to have to work for it. It was time for me to figure out what I wanted and go for it. It was time to be ambitious. 

 

So in January 2021, ambition became my word of the year.

 

And here's what happened next. 

 

I got hit. In the face. Hard. More than once. 

 

Figuratively speaking, of course…except for that time my three-year-old hit me in the face with a Barbie for no apparent reason, but I digress.

 

Sometimes, the hits happened while fully anticipating the blow. And yet, I persisted.

 

I found myself in races that I never intended to be in with people that I never saw as competition up to that point. I saw first hand how easy it is to move towards the unhealthy side of ambition where people become cutthroat and manipulative to get what they want. 

 

Ambition brings the competition out of people and makes others uncomfortable, both things I actively avoided, and that's why I had previously avoided showing ambition. 

 

I also had a small idea of what it would mean for my relationships with others. It would mean not being the "sweet little Lauren" they all thought they knew and loved; it would mean taking up space when previously I would shrink myself to fit in; it would mean putting down boundaries so that I had time and energy to put towards my own goals instead of being readily available for them.

 

It wasn’t going to be easy for many reasons especially if I wanted to stay on the healthy side of ambition. And yet, I knew that it was a needed change for me if I ever wanted to achieve my dreams and goals so in situations that, in the past, I would have shrank back, deferred to someone else, or given up entirely, I dug in. 

 

I was done with lightly and timidly knocking on doors with the secret hope that no one would actually hear me knocking, and I started turning the doorknobs and pushing on doors myself to see if they would open. Sometimes doors swing open. Sometimes they're shut and locked and are meant to stay that way. Sometimes, you just have to turn the doorknob.

 

I realized that I could better serve others by giving myself room and permission to become my full, authentic self instead of the watered-down version that I presented to people because I was sure that's the version of me they wanted. This meant first, finding out what those dreams and goals truly were apart from my desire for the approval of others.

 

And I thought I had I found it. I put together a business proposal that included what I thought was my life's dream and purpose, my calling. I presented it to the people that I thought could help make it happen, and they were excited about it, too, and we began dreaming together. 

 

But things rarely work out the way we expect, and things did not work out in this case either. 

 

Around September of 2021, I began looking back at where the year had brought me, I didn't have much to show for the ambition I had displayed. Not financially, not physically, not in any outward or obvious way. 

 

I had put so much energy into the development of my big dream, putting myself on the line, along with some of my relationships and friendships, among other things, and yet, after months of pushing and trying to create a space for myself at a table that there just wasn't space enough, not for all of me anyway, all I had to show for it was stress, anxiety, emotional and spiritual cuts and bruises, and exhaustion.

 

But wasn't having a word of the year supposed to make it all happen? I didn't want to give up because wouldn't it mean that I was shrinking back, the thing I had worked diligently NOT to do for several months? And wouldn't it mean that I was giving up which is the opposite of ambitious? But that was my word of the year, and the year wasn't over yet!

 

But I felt compelled to begin the process of letting go, letting go of things I was so desperately clinging to, even that big dream for which I had fought so hard. Did I even want it anymore?

 

Surrendering to the process and what I felt was the next right thing for me, I decided to take a step back, and not only did I let go of The Dream, I also let go of my word of the year that had driven so many of my decisions. 

 

And it got me thinking that maybe one word for the whole year is too limiting for the complexities of humanity. Our world, our lives, and the people in both are constantly changing. So much can change in the course of even a week, how much more can things change in a year?

 

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to have a word for the season, the month, or day, or even the hour.

 

A word for the now, the present.

 

So my word of the year evolved along with me and became two new words: rest and dream. 

 

And so I did. 

 

And eventually, I let those words naturally evolve along with me, and my word became explore. 

 

And so I did. And it led me to writing. And I've never felt more like myself. After all, writing IS exploration.

 

And when 2022 came around, I was hesitant to choose a new word, but I decided to try it once again. After all, while the practice of choosing a word of the year doesn't drastically change anything on the outside, I can also say that it helped me make tremendous gains; I've grown. I am older, wiser, stronger, braver, more resilient, more fully myself. 

 

And in case you are wondering, what my words for 2022 were, they were actually two words: 

 

Open Hands. 

 

And it's fitting because this year has been a year of letting go. Letting go of impossible expectations for how my life is supposed to be, letting go of the heavy burden of others' expectations of me, letting go of the need for the approval of others, letting go of comparison, letting go of relationships that no longer serve me well. Letting go of bitterness. Letting go of my need to control outcomes. Letting go of certainty.

 and that may be the hardest one. I'm still working on that one.

 

This idea of having open hands, of surrender, of letting go creates space for those things that are meant for us in the here and now. 

 

And if you choose to commit to this practice of choosing a word of the year, here are a couple mindsets that I've found to be helpful. 

 

First of all, it doesn’t have to be January 1 for you to create one, and it can be a helpful practice. It doesn't mean you'll have the same experiences that I did or that you'll get hit in the face with a toy like me (well, if you're a toddler-parent, you might), but I believe it can lead to beautiful things. I have no regrets despite the heartaches. Life is beautiful because we experience heartache and joy, side-by-side. 

 

Secondly and more importantly, a word of the year is meant to be a guide, and part of a guide's job is to help us navigate those times when we get a bit lost; a guide teaches us to recognize the shifting seasons within our lives and the need for evolution of what is guiding us because WE are evolving and changing and growing…and so must our word or words of the moment. 

 

So instead of a "Word of the Year," I invite you to call it a "Word of the Moment." 

 

You're allowed to change and evolve and so is your word of the year.

 

Speaking of, it's now 2023 (at least when I recorded this), and I suppose it's time for a new word of the year. I'll probably keep "open hands" because it continues to be a helpful guide on my journey, but I'll add a new one, at least for now. 

 

And my new word of the moment is radiate because I want to radiate from my core, who I am authentically and unashamedly. 

 

When we radiate who we truly are, people find warmth and comfort. When we show up and take up space by being our authentic selves, we create space for others. And I want to do that. Create space for others. 

 

But we don't create space for others by dulling our own light. We do it by being our unique and radiant selves.

 

And that's why I'm choosing radiate as my word of the moment. 

 

And I'm curious. What's yours?

 

Thank you for listening to episode 6 of As I Wander with Lauren Lanoue. I invite you to join me in choosing your own word of the moment. And I'd love to hear from you about what you choose. There are several ways to connect with me and this community.

 

You can connect with me on my website at www.LaurenLanoue.com (spell it) where you can also sign up for my free monthly newsletter. You can also follow me on Instagram at LaurenLanoue and I'd love for you to join the conversation over there!

 

Thank you so much for listening today, and I can't wait to meet you here again soon.

 

Rest easy and travel well, my friends. 

 

Here's to finding home wherever we make it.